An adult can prominently display childish characteristics as an integral part of his/her psyche and these traits will be noticeable by others who may become a target as a result.
Childish traits in the adult can include those of the demanding child, the manipulative child and the helpless child or, perhaps, all three by turns. Often this individual will either have been well and truly cosseted in childhood and has not matured adequately or, alternatively, he/she was somewhat neglected and is still crying out for help from others in order to survive.
The adult who exhibits childish traits will frequently be completely unaware of his/her actions and this situation may then stretch the patience of those in his/her immediate circle. Such behaviours are, of course, a cry for help but the danger lies in the fact that those in the adult-child’s inner circle may find it difficult to cope.
The demanding child
The demanding child is the one who in adulthood expects others to cater for his/her emotional and physical needs.
This individual’s unconscious motto is “I want and I expect you to provide” because he/she is the one who is still depending on others to do his/her bidding. The demanding adult-child will always assume that someone else will instantly come to his/her aid because perhaps he/she has learned to play helpless in the unshakeable belief that others will come running.
The manipulative child
The manipulative child is the one who in adulthood will use subtle tactics in order to control the behaviour of others.
This individual’s unconscious motto is “I will get you to do what I want by relentlessly badgering you until I get my own way” because he/she has learned that more subtle tactics are needed than simply making demands which will be instantly obeyed. The manipulative adult-child may not have been well served by his/her childhood carers and hence he/she has only managed to survive by manipulating others in order to get his/her needs met. Sometimes this individual will employ aggressive tactics initially in order to get what he/she wants but, if this ploy fails, then whining and wheeling will be brought into play as a manipulative tactic.
The helpless child
The helpless child is the one who in adulthood appears to have given up and will expect others to rescue him/her whenever difficulties in life occur.
This individual’s unconscious motto is “No one cares for me and so I shall simply give up and perish” because he/she has perhaps been ignored by childhood carers and feels, consequently, no incentive to help himself/herself. The helpless adult-child has been taught to take an irresponsible attitude to life because there is no point in making any effort as this action will have no effect.
Do you know an adult child?
Is there someone in your life who displays the childish characteristic of the demanding child, the manipulative child or the helpless child? If so you might ask yourself about this person’s upbringing in order to work out why he/she behaves in this way. You might also want to consider the impact on you and examine the way in which pressure is being exerted on you and thereby hampering your existence. And are you going to tolerate it for ever? When will your patience and understanding finally snap?
Help from a JMHT practitioner
If you wish to remedy both your psychological malaise as a leftover from your childhood or to free yourself from the demands of an adult-child, then please visit the “Find a Practitioner” page on the JMHT website (www.jmhypnotraining.co.uk). All JMHT practitioners have undertaken their own personal therapeutic investigation and, therefore, are ideally placed to assist the client with root-cause analysis and resolution.
Jacquelyne Morison
Jacquelyne Morison Hypnotherapy Training