Abandonment in childhood
Because humankind is a herding animal then any threat of abandonment by the flock will have a devastating impact on the client’s psyche.
When a child is born, he/she will be utterly reliant on parents and carers for his/her survival for many years to come. Without this nurturing and protection the child will access an unconscious inner terror of not surviving. This knowledge is the reason why continual care is such a vital component of the child’s upbringing and, indeed, should be his/her birthright. The child will be genetically encoded to rely on others for comfort, warmth, sustenance, knowledge, protection and shelter. Without these life essentials, the child will instinctively fear desertion and rejection and, ultimately and unconsciously, death from desertion.
The unloved and neglected child will, in adulthood, invariably suffer from psychological malaise and may line the couches of psychotherapists worldwide. Most of your clients will have experienced some form of perceived abandonment to a greater or lesser extent in childhood. The child whose parents were uncaring, emotionally distant, over-strict, dictatorial or too forceful will stir up underlying feelings of being unwanted and will instil a belief that his/her existence and survival could be threatened. If parents were too preoccupied, self-interested or over-concerned with other matters to the extent that they could not or would not devote sufficient time to the infant, trouble will be brewing for tomorrow’s client.
To make matters worse, the client may feel that in childhood his/her behaviour or personality was somehow so unacceptable to his carers and that he/she was walking the tightrope of courting abandonment. In this case, self-blame, self-recrimination and self-harm may enter the equation in order to add an extra load of trouble for the client.
The child, moreover, will be inherently driven to ask for help from others regularly and, when he/she is more experienced in the world, to render assistance to others. The limbic system in the mid-brain exhibits this capacity because of our pack-animal heritage and our instinctive need to survive as part of the herd and for the continuance of the species. If aid is not forthcoming, an additional dread of abandonment will surface. In many respects, one could argue that every client will present with some form of childhood abandonment in the therapeutic context.
Client profiling
- Did your client receive adequate nurturing as a child?
- Was your client given due care and attention in childhood?
- Has your client learned to think for himself/herself?
- Is your client able to stand on his/her own two feet?
- Does your client appear like a lost child?
- Does your client appear to be frightened of engaging in life?
- Is your client afraid of his/her own shadow?
- Is your client terrified that some unknown disaster will occur any minute?
- Is your client over-eager to blame himself/herself for everything?
- Is your client reluctant to ask for help from others?
Abandonment in adulthood
The client who experienced and feared abandonment in childhood, will automatically be susceptible to harbouring such feelings in adulthood because his/her emotive responses will have gone deep, will have been festering for many years and will be compounded by further mishaps throughout life.
If the client, consequently, feels shunned in society, is deserted by a partner or is unsuccessful in forging forward in a lucrative occupation or worthwhile status in life, then this inner knowledge will fuel the client’s impression of abandonment and unacceptability to the herd.
Client profiling
- Is your client frequently let down by others?
- Does your client feel forsaken by others?
- Does your client hold a catalogue of disastrous relationships?
- Does your client appear needy or over-reliant on others?
- Is your client fearful that his/her partner will leave him/her any day?
- Is your client continually jealous of others who are more successful in life?
- Has your client taken his/her rightful place in society?
- Does your client feel that he/she is an outsider in society?
- Does your client lack a supportive circle of friends?
- Does your client regard himself/herself as a misfit in society?
If you yourself would like to investigate and to resolve any feelings of abandonment or high anxiety issues, then please visit the Jacquelyne Morison Hypnotherapy Training website at www.jmhypnotraining.co.uk. Go to the “Find a Practitioner” page on the JMHT website if you wish to gain personal insight into your psyche and/or, perhaps, research the website if would like to develop your self-knowledge in order to become a practitioner who can really make a difference in this turbulent world.