There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.
Shakespeare, Hamlet
How do you judge yourself?
We often judge ourselves according to what others think and, more probably, what we imagine others will think of us. This tactic results from our need, as herding animals, to jog along in the social world and, of course, as a direct result of our bringing. We care what others think, consequently, because we wish unconsciously to be accepted by the majority, not to be shunned by society and even to be regarded as praiseworthy in the eyes of the world.
If you are subject to being manipulated by others you may experience the “I feel I ought to,” “I suppose I had better” or “Perhaps I should” syndrome as a means of judging yourself and your actions. While it is laudable to be considerate of other people, the danger lies in the fact that you can lose yourself in the process. You might then become too submissive, too accommodating and too intimidated by others – so much so that your true nature gets lost or even destroyed.
Factors to consider
Do you think that everyone around you is judging you most of the time?
Do you believe that you can never ask for help when you are in distress?
Do you find that people you meet seem to be too nosey and always want to know your business?
Do you consider that people want to intrude on your private space?
Do you find yourself habitually apologising to others when you have actually done nothing wrong?
Do you believe that your neighbours or your colleagues want to monitor your every move?
Do you feel inadequate when you compare yourself with others?
Do you feel inferior because you did not do well at school?
Would you like to have a more prestigious job or a better disposable income?
Do you find yourself ashamed of where you live or the state of the car you drive?
Client case-study
A client consulted an analytical hypnotherapy practitioner because she feared that her neighbours were constantly watching her, making adverse judgements and then gossiping about her behind her back. The client also felt that she was constantly being watched even when she was on her own and unobserved by anyone else.
This client was invited to explore the reasons why she appeared to be so much at the mercy of the opinion of others and the feelings which this belief engendered. It transpired that the client’s mother had constantly criticised her when she was a child and had kept an over-close check on her progress at school. The client had felt, in consequence, that she was continually being watched, adversely judged and then punished accordingly. The client’s mother, for instance, had often confined her daughter to her room for any slight misdemeanour, had confiscated treats and had generally restricted her freedom as a child. The client thus gained the impression that she was intrinsically bad and that there was always someone spying on her.
The situation in childhood was worsened by the fact that the client’s father had been staunchly religious and her mother was forced to comply with her husband’s demands about attending church and regular prayers. The client, however, suspected that her mother was not really a believer but had felt herself forced to appease with her husband’s dictates.
The client now worked through her justifiable resentment of her mother’s regime and her father’s dictatorial nature. The client also began to regard her mother as a hypocrite who used her daughter as a means of assuaging her own resentment for having to live a life which she did not wish to do. Much anger and resentment was expressed openly by this client who began to feel more confident and less intimidated by others as a result of her therapeutic journey.
The client then elected to tackle her parents about the unhappiness in her upbringing but she could really make no difference to their attitudes and their inability to see the damage which they had inflicted to their only daughter. The client thus found herself estranged from her parents who took no responsibility for the part they had played in creating their daughter’s unhappiness in adulthood. But, at least, the client was freed from her pain and suffering in the social context.
Help for yourself
If you feel that you lack confidence or you spend too much time worrying about the effect you are having on others, then please visit the “Find a Practitioner” page of the JMHT website (www.jmhypnotraining.co.uk) in order to help yourself to overcome this imbalance.
Jacquelyne Morison
Jacquelyne Morison Hypnotherapy Training