The poem No Man Is An Island by John Donne (1572-1631), written in 1624, explores the way in which humankind is an inextricably interrelated species.
NO MAN IS AN ISLAND
No man is an island,
Entire of itself;
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less,
As well as if a promontory were:
As well as if a manor of thy friend’s
Or of thine own were.
Any man’s death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.
The world in which you live
Living in isolation would be impossible for anyone on planet Earth. We need to be part of a community in order to thrive and to survive. And often we find it hard to deal with the loss of a close relative or a friend.
Because you will find yourself forced to live with others, you may soon realise that you are living with everyone else’s psyche which, in turn, will be intermingling with your own. You are forced to reside, say, with a partner, your family, your neighbours, your friends, your colleagues and your associates as well as others in the wider world. But contending with the psyche of another can be a very demanding experience and the closer you live with someone, the more challenging and perplexing the experience will be for you.
Intimate relationships
If you have an intimate partner, for instance, you will find that that his/her emotional baggage will inevitably interact with yours.
Are you irritated by some of your partner’s habits?
Do you feel powerless when your partner displays his/her emotions?
Are you perpetually attempting to bring your partner into line and forever losing the battle?
Do you feel sorry for your partner?
Is your partner sapping your energy and causing you frustration or unhappiness?
Are you putting up with your partner because you feel you have no alternative?
Is your partner your only means of survival?
Would you be devastated if your partner left home?
Do you realise the way in which your partner is affecting your psyche?
So how can you resolve this knotty little problem?
Once you have realised the fact that your psyche will inevitably interact with those of your closest intimates, you will be able to discover the key to the flaws in your relationships and the distress which any difficult situation might cause you.
STEP 1 – Look at yourself
First look at yourself by asking yourself:
What kind of upbringing did you have?
Did you have a happy childhood?
Were your parents always loving, attentive and caring?
STEP 2 – Compare your parents with your partner/friend
Now compare your parents with your intimate partner or a close friend by asking yourself:
In what way have your parents affected your choice of a partner or a friend?
In what way is your partner/friend a reflection of those people who looked after you in childhood?
In what way is your psyche dovetailing with that of others?
Does your partner/friend regard you as a substitute parent or guardian?
STEP 3 – Consider your partner/friend
Now consider your intimate partner or a close friend and ask yourself:
Did your partner/friend have a happy childhood?
Was your partner/friend really loved, cared for and considered by his/her childhood carers?
Has your partner/friend ever been neglected, unloved or misunderstood by others?
In what way does your partner/friend display childish emotions and behaviour?
STEP 4 – Analyse the results
From the exercise in Step 3, you will soon see the way in which what happened to you in childhood is directly reflected in your relationship with your intimate partner and/or your close friends. And the more you get to know your intimate partner or your friends, the more you will begin to see the cracks in the relationship. Then you may realise the way in which your relationship may have some degree of interdependence or co-dependence because perhaps your partner or your friends are fulfilling some need within you. And maybe your partner is a carbon copy of your mother or your father and the way in which you were treated generally in childhood? Today’s intimate relationships stem from your early experiences in life.
By asking yourself some soul-searching questions you will obtain the key to understanding yourself, your life and your relationships. And, consequently, you will be able to decide which relationships are worthwhile and which should perhaps be discarded as not worth the effort.
Through a self-examination of yourself and your life you will obtain the key to what might be going wrong in your relationship and what might be holding you back in terms of your happiness and emotional well-being. And, more importantly, you can now take steps to remedy the situation if you discover that life is impossible and your emotional health is going downhill as a result.
Help from a JMHT practitioner
If you wish to overcome any relationship difficulties which you are currently experiencing as a result of your childhood, then please visit the “Find a Practitioner” page on the JMHT website (www.jmhypnotraining.co.uk). All JMHT practitioners have undertaken their own personal therapeutic investigation and, therefore, are ideally placed to assist the client with root-cause analysis and resolution.
Jacquelyne Morison
Jacquelyne Morison Hypnotherapy Training