We think that we have free choice and that we can take rational decisions objectively and without a hidden agenda. This statement is only partially true, however, because we are, in fact, driven by our unconscious motivations and instinctive drives which emanate from our past experience. We cannot, unfortunately, control our thoughts – much as we might like to in the hope that all our troubles will simply disappear.
Think about it …
Can you think why you have followed a career in your father’s or mother’s footsteps or, alternatively, why you have rebelled against the family firm?
Do you know why you set up home with a partner who reminded you of one or both of your parents?
Do you understand why you continue to want to please people or to shun the company of others?
Do you appreciate why you tolerate certain people in your life who are not all together helpful to your existence or inconsiderate of your personal needs?
Can you imagine why you take an instant dislike to certain people?
Are you prone to displaying certain emotive reactions which one of your parents had a tendency to adopt?
Do you find yourself using phrases which one of your relatives frequently used?
Do you campaign against bullying because you were yourself ragged mercilessly at school?
Do you always flinch even at the mention of creepy crawlies?
Do you often lose your temper when things do not exactly go your way?
Do you have an underlying thread of dissatisfaction about life in general?
Did you opt for a given college or university subject because you really liked the teacher at school who taught that subject only to find that you had no particular interest in the subject when the course began?
Did you send your children to a private school because you found the rough and tumble of state education unbearable?
Were you brainwashed by religious doctrines as a child which you have brought into your adult life and then sought to inflict of others?
The answer to all these questions is that you are acting according to your personal experience of life and thus you are manifesting the way in which your past has affected you. Relationships, for instance, are almost always based on the blueprint which you received from your parents or guardians in childhood. Emotive reactions, furthermore, are very often a carbon copy of those which were suppressed when you were a child or a teenager in order to survive your upbringing. Behavioural tendencies or intrinsic motivations are frequently the result of what has influenced you most deeply in the past. That’s the way in which the unconscious mind dictates our instinctive behaviours, our knee-jerk responses and our instinctive reactions.
Who is the blame then when things go wrong?
This set of facts, therefore, begs the question of whether or not an individual is responsible for his own actions.
The law in the UK looks for the criminal to show remorse and, hence, be aware of his/her actions and choices. If the accused shows no penitence or shame, his/her judges will not look unfavourable upon him/her and may even deem the culprit not responsible for own his/her actions. While this factor may be expedient for the purposes of administering the law and safeguarding the public, the client should appreciate that his/her wrongdoers are, in fact, responsible for the strife which they have caused and the resultant distress.
Let’s look at some examples
The rapist will endeavour to avoid capture even though such a criminal may play a cat-and-mouse game with the authorities.
The thief or the con artist will gloat over the fact that he/she is causing extreme hardship and dire distress to others.
The megalomaniac will get a kick out of frightening others and demanding strict obedience, even though he/she is aware of the terror which he/she is inflicting on his/her victims.
The domestic abuse merchant will not want the neighbours to be aware of his/her actions.
The abusive parent or guardian will not advertise to the world his/her need for violence.
The violent partner who is busy beating his/her spouse or child will instantly cease when the doorbell rings.
The reason for such reactions will be that the offender will blatantly disregard the feelings of others but will, without doubt, be aware that what he/she is doing is fundamentally wrong. The intellect, therefore, will betray the offender who is actually aware of his/her actions while actually being driven unconsciously.
Let’s take an example
A client found difficulty in accepting that his father was wrong to punish him with a beating when he was supposedly disobedient.
The client was asked to imagine whether he would beat his own children likewise or whether he would condone the punishment of other children in the same way. The client promptly replied that he would, on no account, punish a child so inhumanely.
The client was also asked to consider his so-called crimes in the eyes of his father. The client now began to appreciate that he had only committed trifling misdemeanours rather than serious offences for which the punishment was out of all proportion. The client hence concluded that his father gained a degree of satisfaction out of punishing his son and he maintained that his father would frequently justify his actions by stating that he was training his son to be an upright citizen.
The client considered whether his father got a buzz out of inflicting brutal punishment on his son and whether his father was aware of his victim’s psychological and physical suffering. The client soon realised now that his father was cruel and unloving and that no excuse could be offered from his abuse of his son. The client ultimately decided that his father was well aware of his cruelty because he always punished his son behind closed doors and besought his victim to remain silent on the issue.
Help is at hand
Should you feel the need to resolve your psychological malaise, then please visit the “Find a Practitioner” page on the JMHT website (www.jmhypnotraining.co.uk) in order to discover the key to unlocking and remedying your personal issues.
Jacquelyne Morison
November 2023